Singing is at the core of any good rugby tour or bus trip, along with other key ingredients including alcohol, nudity, women and maybe even a little rugby.
In preparation for the 2016 Byron Bay Rugby Sevens, we felt it important to provide a refresher on some timeless classic rugby songs.
New and old tourists alike: take note, sing out loud in front of your computer or phone, memorise and rehearse. Some of these require a group, so be sure to get your wife or girlfriend to help you rehearse. We’re sure she’ll be suitably impressed.
Below is a list of rugby songs, but it is by no means definitive, so please comment below or in our Facebook group with other suggestions and we’ll add them in. Some of these are hazy recollections from previous tours. Some lyrics have been dug up from the interweb, including this site.
- The MOB team song
- Father Abraham
- When the Time of the Month Comes Around
- Lulu
- Yogi Bear
- The Twelve Days Of Rugby
- The Days of the Week
- The Old Department Store
The MOB team song
Someone say “Heyyyy, we want some pussy”
Someone say “Heyyyy, we want some pussy”
Well the ball’s in the air and the fullback’s there
He connects with the winger who shows his flair
And he slides and he dives just to get to the line
Everybody knows, we are MACARTHUR side
Someone say “Heyyyy, we want some pussy”
Someone say “Heyyyy, we want some pussy”
With our POO and our WEE our colours are bright
We will teach you motherf#$%ers not to F#$% with our side
Cos we are big (ooh), bad (ooh) and oh so mean
We are MACARTHUR. OLD BOYS. RUGBY TEAM!
Father Abraham
Father Abraham, had seven sons,
Seven sons had Father Abraham.
And they never laughed, and they never cried,
All they did was go like this
With the left! (arm)
and the right! (arm)
and the left leg!
and the right leg!
and the hips!
And the head!
and shirts off!
and pants off!
and let’s get naked!
When the Time of the Month Comes Around
(Intro / Chorus, all sing together)
Blood goes here, blood goes there, blood goes every bloody where
When the time of the month comes around.
It’s a jamboree at the tampon factory,
When the time of the month comes around.
(One at a time)
You can tell by the stain that she’s in a lot of pain
When the time of the month comes around.
(Chorus)
You can tell by her stance she’s got cotton in her pants
When the time of the month comes around.
(Chorus)
You can tell by the red that you’ll only get some head…
See the flies in the skies buzzing round her clammy thighs…
You can tell by her walk that you’ll sit around and talk…
You can tell by the blotch that she’s got a leaky crotch…
You can tell by her eyes there is blood between her thighs…
You can tell by her pout that her eggs are falling out…
You can tell by her stance that she’s bleeding in her pants…
You can tell that it itches by the way she always bitches…
You can bet it ain’t sweat when her underwear is wet…
You can tell by the stink that she isn’t in the pink…
Lulu
(Sing to the tune of Good Night Ladies.)
(chorus)
Gang, Bang, Lulu, Lulu’s gone away,
Who’s gonna bang bang Lulu, when Lulu’s gone away.
Some girls work in factories,
Some girls work in stores,
But Lulu works in a honky tonk
With forty other……….
chorus
Lulu had a baby,
It was an awful shock
She couldn’t call it Lulu,
‘Cause the bastard had a ………
I took her to the pictures,
We sat down in the stalls,
And every time the lights went out,
She’d grab me by the ………..
Lulu and I went fishing,
In a dainty punt,
And every time she caught a sprat,
She’d stuff up her……..
I wish I were the silver ring,
On Lulu’s dainty hand
Then every time she scratches her arse,
I’d see the promised ………
I wish I were the chamber pot,
Under Lulu’s bed,
Then every time she took a piss,
I’d see her maiden ……….
Lulu had two boy-friends,
Both were very rich
One was the son of a banker,
The other a son-of-a……
Lulu had a boy-friend,
His name was Tommy Tucker,
He took her down the alley,
To see if he could ……
Lulu had a boy-friend,
A funny little chap
Every time they had a bit,
She got a dose of the…
Lulu was a pretty girl,
She had a lot of class,
Mini-skirts she’d wear a lot,
To let her show her…….
Lulu had a boy-friend,
He was very fit,
Working all day on the farm,
His job was shoveling……
Lulu and a boy-friend,
A stunted little runt,
One day they went to have a bit,
And he vanished up her…..
Lulu had a little lamb,
She kept it in a bucket,
Every time the lamb jumped out,
The bulldog used to……
Lulu and I went walking,
We walked along the grass,
She slipped on a banana peel,
And fell down on her…..
Lulu made some porridge,
It was very thick,
Lulu wouldn’t eat it,
But she’d smear it on my……
Lulu had a bicycle,
The seat was very blunt,
Every time she jumps on it
It sticks her in her…..
Lulu had a bicycle,
The seat was very sharp,
Every time she sat on it
It would slip right up her….
Lulu had a boyfriend,
His name was Diamond Dick,
She never saw his diamond,
But she always saw his….
Lulu had a boyfriend,
His name was Michael Hunt,
She like him above the rest,
Because he’d eat her…
Lulu met a fisherman,
Fishing for some bass,
Instead of catching fish that day,
He got a piece of…
Lulu met a scrum half,
Sat down in his lap,
Lulu got the scrum half,
The scrum half got the…
Lulu had a turtle,
And Lulu had a duck.
She put them in the bathtub,
To see if they would…
Lulu had a vanity chair,
It was made of glass,
Every time she sat on it,
You could see her…
Lulu had a boyfriend,
His name was Billy Batch,
But Lulu had to break it off,
When it got stuck in her….
A rich girl has a bra,
A poor girl uses string,
But Lulu uses neither,
She lets the buggers…
A rich girl has a ring of gold,
A poor girl one of brass,
The only ring that Lulu has,
Is the one around her…
A rich girl uses Vaseline,
A poor girl uses lard,
Lulu uses axle grease,
Because her cunt’s so…
A rich girl uses Kotex,
A poor girl a sheet,
Lulu uses nothing at all,
It dribbles in the…
Lulu had a job,
But then she had to quit,
‘Cause every time she turned around,
The boss would grab her…
Lulu met the Penguins,
She liked the way they played,
The Penguins liked Lulu,
They liked the way she…
Yogi Bear
I know a bear that you all know,
Yogi, Yogi,
I know a bear that you all know,
Yogi, Yogi Bear,
Yogi, Yogi Bear,
Yogi, Yogi Bear,
I know a bear that you all know,
Yogi, Yogi Bear.
Yogi’s got a little friend,
Booboo, Booboo,
Yogi’s got a little friend,
Booboo, Booboo Bear,
Booboo, Booboo Bear,
Booboo, Booboo Bear,
Yogi’s got a little friend,
Booboo, Booboo Bear.
Yogi’s got a girlfriend,
Suzi, Suzi Bear,
Yogi has another friend,
Cindy, Cindy Bear
Yogi’s got an enemy, Ranger
Ranger, Ranger Smith
Yogi’s got a cheesy knob, cammum,
Camem, Camembert
Suzi likes it on the fridge, polar,
Polar, Polar bear.
Booboo likes it up the ass, brown,
Brown, Brown bear.
Yogi’s dick is long and green, cucum,
Cucum, cucumber.
Suzi doesn’t to shave her pubes, grizzly,
Grizzly, grizzly bear.
Cindy wears crotchless undies,
Teddy, teddy bear
Cindy likes it up the rear,
Dirty, dirty bear
Suzi Bear has no teeth,
Gummi, Gummi bear
Cindy she has great big tits,
More than, More than (I can bear)
Suzi gets four bits an hour,
Jingle, jingle bear
Cindy’s tampon has no string,
Cotton, cotton bear
Boo-Boo likes it upside down,
Koala, Koala Bear
Suzi does it with a Kennedy,
Teddy, Teddy Bear
Yogi got a case of crabs,
Itchy, itchy bear
Boo-Boo likes to stroke his tool,
Wanker, wanker bear
Yogi also likes young boys,
Poofter, poofter bear
Cindi has a girlfriend,
Klondike, Klondike bear
Yogi likes to roll his own,
Smoky, Smoky bear
Yogi didn’t use a condom,
Daddy, daddy Bear
Yogi uses condoms,
Clever, clever bear
Boo-Boo pokes holes in them,
Naughty, naughty bear
Cindy gets what she deserves,
Pregnant, pregnant bear
Yogi has suspected AIDS,
Goodbye, goodbye bear
The Twelve Days of Rugby
(To the tune of The Twelve Days of Christmas. Obscene actions go with each verse.)
On the first day of rugby,
My true love gave to me,
A hand job that wasn’t worth fuck.
On the second day of rugby,
My true love gave to me,
Two shit house doors,
And a hand job that wasn’t worth a fuck.
Three French whores…
Four calling girls…
Five golden showers…
Six sixty-niners…
Seven sleazy sisters…
Eight aching assholes…
Nine knawed-off nipples..
Ten tons of titties…
Eleven leaping lesbians
Twelve twats a-twitching…
The Days of the Week
Today is Monday,
Today is Monday,
Monday’s a finger day,
Monday’s a finger day,
Are we all happy,
You bet your ass we are,
Da-da-da-da, da, da,(8)
Da-da-da-da, da, da,
Today is Tuesday,
Today is Tuesday,
Tuesday’s a ah-ah(9) day,
Tuesday’s a ah-ah day,
chorus
Wednesday…
Wanking day…
Thursday…
Drinking day…
Friday…
Fucking day…
Saturday…
Rugby day…
Sunday…
Day of rest… (sung quietly)
The Old Department Store
I Used To Work In Chicago,
In An Old Department Store,
I Used To Work In Chicago,
I Don’t Work There Any More.
A Woman Came In For Some Meat,
Some Meat From The Store,
Some Meat She Wanted,
Porked She Got
I Don’t Work There Any More
Glazed Doughnut She Wanted. Cream Filled She Got
Brass Taps She Wanted, Golden Shower She Got
Beefeater Gin She Wanted, Eat Her I Did
Quick Service She Wanted, Quickly Serviced She Got
Ground Coffee She Wanted, Grind Her I Did
Jumper She Wanted, Jump Her I Did
Liquor She Wanted, Lick Her I Did
Elevator She Wanted, My Shaft She Got
Carpet She Wanted, Deep Shag She Got
Hammer She Wanted, Nailed She Got
Gun She Wanted, Banged She Got
Watering Can She Wanted, Hosed She Got
Floppy Disk She Wanted, Hard Drive She Got
Velvet She Wanted, Felt She Got
Liquor She Wanted, Lick Her I Did
Bolts She Wanted, My Nuts She Got
Sailors She Wanted, Semen She Got
Ham She Wanted, Porked She Got
Cigarette She Wanted, My Pipe She Got
Pipe She Wanted, Hosed She Got
Plumber She Wanted, Pipes Cleaned She Got
Butter She Wante, Spread She Got
Seafood She Wanted, Crabs She Got
Carpet She Wanted, Shag She Got
Nail She Wanted, Screw She Got
Fishing Rod She Wanted, My Pole She Got
Helicopter She Wanted, My Chopper She Got
Translator She Wanted, Cunning Linguist She Got
Kitkat She Wanted, Four Fingers She Got
Irish Airlilne Ticket From The Store, Air Lingus She Wanted, Cunnilingus She Got
A Hand She Wanted, Fisted She Got
Diamond Choker She Wanted, Pearl Necklace She Got
Lobster Thermidor She Wanted, Creamed Clam She Got
German Method Of Coal Extraction She Wanted, Mine Shaft She Got
Duck She Wanted, I Misunderstood
Open Cast Coal Mine She Wanted, Deep Shaft She Got
A Ruler She Wanted, 12 Inches She Got
Some Lettuce She Wanted, Head She Got!
An O Henry She Wanted, Mr. Big She Got!
A Big Mac She Wanted, A Whopper She Got
A Screen Door She Wanted, Slammed She Got!
Some Fireworks She Wanted, Banged She Got!
A Big Mac She Wanted, Super-Sized She Got!
Some Pringles She Wanted, The Pop She Got
Some Tile She Wanted, Laid She Got!
A Vacuum She Wanted, Sucked She Got!
Some Dinner She Wanted, Ate Out She Got!
A Lollipop She Wanted, Licked She Got!
Some Shakespeare She Wanted, Dickens She Got!
Piano She Wanted, My Organ She Got
Chips She Wanted, Lays She Got
Racoon She Wanted, My Beaver She Got
Carpet She Wanted, Rugburn She Got
Muscle Car She Wanted, My Hot Rod She Got
Pickle She Wanted, My Cucumber She Got
A Hat She Wanted, My Helmet She Got.
A Damp Cat She Wanted, Wet Pussy She got.
Chair Leg She Wanted, Table Ends She Got.
Turkey She Wanted, Gobbles She Got.
Barbecue She Wanted, Spit Roast She Got
Fabric She Wanted, Felt She Got
Cake From The Store, Layer She Wanted, Lay Her I Did
Truck She Wanted, Rammed She Got
Tire She Wanted, Rimmed She Got
Basketball She Wanted, Hooped She Got
Sea Cat She Wanted, Wet Pussy She Got
Sprite She Wanted, 7-Up She Got
Flag She Wanted, Jolly Roger She Got
Ford She Wanted, Probe She Got
Semi Aquatic Persperating Mammal She Wanted, A Sweaty Beaver She Got
Black And Decker, My Bosch She Got
Some Assistance She Wanted, Aids She Got
Pirate Ship, Jolly Rogered She Got